For a long time I have been praying that God would give me a million dollars. I am very open about this, and some people think I am crazy, selfish, proud or self absorbed. Yet I pray in hope and I rest knowing that God knows my heart.
I learned a long time ago that I do not stand against God. Am I perfect in this? No, there are many times when I have fallen, and have to belly crawl like a dog to the throne of grace.
Praying for a million dollars is so outside my control, and easier than praying for the everyday needs. Easier because the everyday needs are more emotional, more immediate, and I desire to control the outcome of the prayer. I have to purpose in my heart to pray and let go, knowing that God will do what God will do. This is where the trust and faith come into play, because God loves me, and somehow things will work out, even if the events unfold differently than I had planned.
I was drawn to Job this morning as I prayed. These words make my heart shake, but fill me with confidence in God at the same time. God says "Brace yourself like a man." Well, that takes the little girl right out of my mind. God says, "Who has a claim against me that I must pay?" Even with the blood of Jesus covering me, I owe God my life. And I say with Job, "I know that You can do all things, no plan of Yours can be thwarted."
So when I pray, I ask God. At the same time, I understand that it's not my will but His that will be done. It's scary sometimes, but I have seen that even in death God is faithful, kind and merciful.
Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Job (38:1-5)
Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm: “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Job 40:(6-7)
Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me. Job 41:11
Then Job replied to the LORD: “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42 (1-6)