Failing God

When we fall short, understanding we are failing God, it's important to recognize our shortcomings. God did. He knew us from the moment of conception. And He made a way. Still, we feel sad, often shamed, and it is sometimes difficult to know what to do.
 
I stand cloaked in failure.
Obedience and right thinking
Buried under pounds of trying
To construct my life and not bother God,
When all He wanted was my trust
My pride, my grief.

I cannot look into those lovely eyes
Or bear the kindest touch.

Googling my mind for God's word
I find two ways to react to failure:
Peter, who denied the very Lord he defended,
Wept bitterly while
Judas, who betrayed his Friend, was racked with shame,
And hung himself.
I look into those lovely eyes,
As sorrowful as their reflection,
I choose faith, the forgiving nature of God.

I shake off the cloak of failure
Letting go the clasp of pride and self-reliance
Step quietly onto the trail of forgiveness
Wiping bitter tears and
Warmed by the sun.

Eliminate Regrets

Over time the rooms where I live are changed
As cement and wood and walls mature,
Settling into the foundation.

Regrets like paint haunt the walls,
Reflect within the mirrors and frame.
The mold and rot of past gathers,
Seeps into the studs,
Weighting and constraining strength
So that the roof recurves.

Becoming a facade, smiling white paint,
While inside waits the destruction of regrets
Held vigil,
Until the walls crumble.

Life lived is spackled with regret
Refining who I am,
But these cannot define
Design without destruction.

Time is to contemplate and clean away regrets,
Bury them in stone etched with God's promises.
Refresh the thoughts the hold the home in place
And turn my eye from beckoning remembrances
Of what was, or could have been.

These are dead memories.

Battling Fears

My mind is a battlefield, and battling fear is something I do. I battle more, like self-image, doubt, and trying to figure stuff out. The WHY of life. God's word says we battle not against flesh and blood, but against powers in high places. The powers in high places attack my mind, trying to bring confusion and general misery. I don't always win the battle, but with God, I will win the war.

What a desperate dreamer found:
Fantasies and hopes,
Well hidden,
Brought to light and aired.

And so uncovered, running rampant in my heart:
A battlefield of reality,
Littered with wounded dreams
And injured visions.

And I, like a hero,
Dodge exploding shells of doubt
And the gun fire of fear.
Racing onward, bravado,
To meet the stranger.

God's Promises Require Some Handholding

Like many folks these days, I am out of work. For me, this requires some spiritual discipline. I am prone to melancholy, and I always like to have a plan. The circumstances I am facing now mean I don't have a clue, let alone a plan. But I know one thing: God is good all the time.
So I stand up and keep on moving forward. I am doing all I can, apply for jobs and talking with my creditors about reduced payments. I like to be pro-active. I can't make it turn out all right, but I know God can.

God's Promise

Unknown, cautious movement.
A dark and sideless way.
Walking forward,
Yearning for arrival
And the shining light deliverance.

To what end, this walking,
In a hazy half light?
What mountains and pitfalls lie ahead?

Sustaining, the Lord's hand.
And this promise:
Though stumbling shall not fall

Asking Why on 9/11?

It's hard sometimes to understand that the merciful God we serve puts up with such fell events. I am sometimes tempted to ask "why", but not often, only because in my life I was usually too shocked, and could only pray "Lord, help me."

I know we live in a world of parallelled faith and unbelief. And unbelief yields fear and worry, leaving the heart like an abandon child with no guidance to grow on.

Wicked, wrong and villainous
They boarded on the plane
Practicing a ritual
To reach their heavens plain.

Treacherous, troubled, trickery,
He snuck into the school
Fired his anger in bullets of death
Uncivilized and cool.

Maleficent, malicious mother
Captured children, one by one,
And held them under water
Until each life was done.

Repellent, reprobate raper
Chased the woman as she ran,
Grabbed her collar in his fist,
Left her dead upon the sand.

“Something wicked this way comes”
A falling from the grace
Tattering the holy weave of man’s nature,
Abhorrent,
Void, the heart debased.

On this day, and always, I pray for those who live in unbelief, and for peace and joy to enter their hearts.

Are You Waiting on God?

I am. And there are days when I must exercise discipline in my spirit. My flesh is a big cry baby!


I am still confident of this:
That I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Be still, my flesh,
Take heart, my soul.
Having done all
Stand, and wait on the Lord.

He is faithful, always near.
While my heart yearns,
My eyes are on Him.
He is not slow.

I shut my eyes to the circumstance,
I hold tightly to the Word
Embedded in my thoughts,
Knowing the feeling like drowning
Does not mean I am.

I do not struggle,
Rather stretch out my arms.
Resting in the water
That keeps me afloat.

God is faithful, He is near.

Trusting God

Life is not always easy. Sometimes it's downright hard. I have been reflecting today on things that have happened to me, and my story is no different than any other. I have lost my job, buried a baby, found a friend who committed suicide, had to learn to accept "no" as an answer to prayer... but as I reflected on these things, I also remembered the goodness of God in each circumstance. Not once was I without hope or without comfort. God is good all the time. And I have this simple poem to share.

When the world turns to ashes
And my life seems but dust
In You, Oh Lord,
I place my trust.